My Father is one of 13 children. He has 8 sisters and 5 brothers including him.
His sister Sherrie Leigh died of breast cancer when I was five years old. I have only met her once and that was when I was a baby. I never got to speak to her, hold her hand or call her auntie. But she loved me from the moment she learned I was coming to this earth. She made a baby blanket for me with cross stitch and the saying Now I lay me down to sleep, may the angles protect me until I wake.
She died in the spring of 1986, 6 months after my life saving surgery. As many of you know I believe in spirits, god and things unseen. Part of me has always known that she died so I could live. I have always felt connected to her and know that she is with me watching over me.
Its funny but my life has mirrored hers in some ways. She met and married a man with a daughter. I met and married a man with a Son. She managed restaurants with her husband, I managed a restaurant when I was in high school. she always dreamed of traveling but never did. I dreamed of travel and have done it.
Its funny my dads brothers and sisters when they see me say it is like seeing a ghost. I look exactly like her down to a T, curly hair in all ( she didn't like hers either). For the longest time I didn't think I looked like anyone in my family, until my dad showed me his sisters photo, wow I said she looks just like me. I have her nose, her cheeks, her hair and her eyes. My dad says I have her flat feet too. Maybe God took her in body but her soul remained on this earth with me.
All I have of her is a photo and a blanket, Every time I go down to Red Wing I place flowers on her grave and bring her photos of my family. I tell her about my travels, of a life well lived and love found. You may think its strange to talk to a stone, but that is what I do. Sherrie hears me, she makes sure my prayers get to god and that I am safe in this world.
To honor her if little bear is a girl I am going to name her Genevieve Sherrie, in honor of the auntie she will never meet, but will know loves her from heaven.
So I can honestly say that she is my angel always there for me watching and making sure I am on this earth.
If you don't believe, just understand that there is something out there we can't explain, that we are just markers in time, traveling through until this day ends.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Someone asked me the other day.......
Bear why did you give up Law School?
My reply was this......................
I had my life planned out to a T. Graduate college at 23 go to law school graduate at 26, find a great job, buy a house and get married. That was the course I set my self on. I think my life was to well planned out, so God threw my a curve ball named Mr. After meeting Mr my life changed for the better, he taught me that we don't need to plan out every detail right down to the last second of our lives. That it is good to go with out a plan. So I did I threw caution to the wind, put my dream on hold and moved in during the summer of 06. I never thought I would be one of those girls who married young, turns out I was got married when I was 25. During this time I did a lot of searching finding my place in life. I worked for Jenny Craig left that and went to Express Scripts. I found my place at Express I made a difference in peoples lives helped confused pharmacist, and was a kind voice on the other end of the phone for our soldiers over seas. It was great! Turns out I let myself get comfortable and stopped wanting something better. When I left college I vowed I am done with Law never ever again will I study or use you. Turns out law was waiting for me, it loved it when I read its words, used it, breathed it lived it. So I went back to what I know best,something that I am a master at......yup you guessed it Law. My old professor said, I knew you would come back to law. Law is who you are. Be a paralegal for a while if you like it, go to law school Bear. So that is what I am doing, I am seeing if I can hear the melody again, seeing if law is still my passion. If it is then I will go to law school and become the lawyer I was meant to be. But until I hear the symphony in my heart I am staying put as a paralegal.
My reply was this......................
I had my life planned out to a T. Graduate college at 23 go to law school graduate at 26, find a great job, buy a house and get married. That was the course I set my self on. I think my life was to well planned out, so God threw my a curve ball named Mr. After meeting Mr my life changed for the better, he taught me that we don't need to plan out every detail right down to the last second of our lives. That it is good to go with out a plan. So I did I threw caution to the wind, put my dream on hold and moved in during the summer of 06. I never thought I would be one of those girls who married young, turns out I was got married when I was 25. During this time I did a lot of searching finding my place in life. I worked for Jenny Craig left that and went to Express Scripts. I found my place at Express I made a difference in peoples lives helped confused pharmacist, and was a kind voice on the other end of the phone for our soldiers over seas. It was great! Turns out I let myself get comfortable and stopped wanting something better. When I left college I vowed I am done with Law never ever again will I study or use you. Turns out law was waiting for me, it loved it when I read its words, used it, breathed it lived it. So I went back to what I know best,something that I am a master at......yup you guessed it Law. My old professor said, I knew you would come back to law. Law is who you are. Be a paralegal for a while if you like it, go to law school Bear. So that is what I am doing, I am seeing if I can hear the melody again, seeing if law is still my passion. If it is then I will go to law school and become the lawyer I was meant to be. But until I hear the symphony in my heart I am staying put as a paralegal.
Nans Year in Review
Wow Nans is so big. He is growing in body and mind every day.
Nans spent most of his summer with us in Minnesota in which he enjoyed thoroughly.
He went down to Lake city a few times to see where Papa grew up, played in the very lake I did as a little girl, He met the hot dog lady at the D.Q. and ate Burger King by the waters edge. Nans also went to the farmers market a few time, oh how he loved that all of the fruits at his finger tips , rolled his eyes at veggies. Ah he is a funny kind. We also took him to Carver lake a few times to play at the beach. Valley fair where he was a big boy and rode the big rides while giving Nannie a heart attack. Discovered the lazy river and wave pool. Soon his Mn summer came to a close and it was time to head back to Texas.
Nans started school this year ( yup makes me tear up knowing I wasn't there to photograph it). He is doing great and loves learning. This year also marked Nans new custody schedule, he only comes up one weekend a month now. Its hard on us all, but I know that the Husbands love stretches from Minnesota to Texas. That Nans can feel the love. We do everything we can to make sure his life is amazing and memorable.
He enjoyed thanks giving in MN. Shopping on Black Friday he was a trooper. In his own words I love Minnesota. He said his Christmas with Daddy and Nannie was the best Christmas ever. Nans here is to a great 2010, you"ll be 6 in 5 days my boy. You are getting so so big.
Know that Nannie loves you more than you ever know and that you are and will always be my first born. No matter what anyone tells you, you are not my step son, you are my son. My big growing healthy happy boy.
Nans spent most of his summer with us in Minnesota in which he enjoyed thoroughly.
He went down to Lake city a few times to see where Papa grew up, played in the very lake I did as a little girl, He met the hot dog lady at the D.Q. and ate Burger King by the waters edge. Nans also went to the farmers market a few time, oh how he loved that all of the fruits at his finger tips , rolled his eyes at veggies. Ah he is a funny kind. We also took him to Carver lake a few times to play at the beach. Valley fair where he was a big boy and rode the big rides while giving Nannie a heart attack. Discovered the lazy river and wave pool. Soon his Mn summer came to a close and it was time to head back to Texas.
Nans started school this year ( yup makes me tear up knowing I wasn't there to photograph it). He is doing great and loves learning. This year also marked Nans new custody schedule, he only comes up one weekend a month now. Its hard on us all, but I know that the Husbands love stretches from Minnesota to Texas. That Nans can feel the love. We do everything we can to make sure his life is amazing and memorable.
He enjoyed thanks giving in MN. Shopping on Black Friday he was a trooper. In his own words I love Minnesota. He said his Christmas with Daddy and Nannie was the best Christmas ever. Nans here is to a great 2010, you"ll be 6 in 5 days my boy. You are getting so so big.
Know that Nannie loves you more than you ever know and that you are and will always be my first born. No matter what anyone tells you, you are not my step son, you are my son. My big growing healthy happy boy.
Good Bye 2009! You were a good year
I can honestly say that 2009 was the most crazy and stressful yet exciting year I've had in a long time. I learned allot about marriage, finished my second degree and managed to travel along the way too!
I am glad to be done with school for a while and happy with my decision to continue my legal education and become a paralegal. So now I have a B.S in Legal studies from UW-Superior and a paralegal certificate from the Minnesota Paralegal Institute. Its been a wild ride but God constantly reminds me on why he chose me for this field. He needs a light and a will for justice that will serve the good of man kind.
The husband and I had a great honey moon to the Mediterranean, Morocco was amazing how ever the city of Casablanca was a little disappointing not much to see there as it is the economic capital of Morocco. Acquit was lovely the people friendly and I'm still cooking with my spices that I bought there. The Grand Canary Islands are the place where story books come alive, I want to retire there when I'm older, it was to beautiful to put into words. Fungal Portugal was beautiful as well the flowers the little lizards, just everything was perfect. Spain It was great to head back to Spain and show the husband my favorite spots in Barcelona.
I said good bye to an old teacher in May God rest your sole Mr Horvat we will never know why you left this world the way you did. But your teachings will stay with us for a life time. I just pray that the peace you were searching for has found you.
We saw our first wedding anniversary as well! Even thou we spent it apart, Husband was in Seattle while I was saying my good byes to my old teacher. However it was a wonderful celebration when we got back to each other.
The summer was filled with festivals pow wows and good ole fashioned parades. Nans loved getting candy and the rides at Water Ski days, had a blast at the River falls festival with Auntie and Ben. Mm mm I have found memories of trolling through the farmers market with Nans as he realized that strawberries come from the earth and that fresh organic strawberries taste sweeter on the tongue. We spent afternoons at the lake basking in the sun while Nans ventured into the waters. BBQ and girls nights were plentiful.
The Husband and I had a blast in Wisconsin Dells water slides can make an adult feel like a kid again even when you bruise your tail bone. Drive in Movies are sweet when watched with someone you love.
I went on a trip to Chicago with my parents. It was fun to see Pete in a big city eyes wide open and finally stand in Frank Lloyd Wrights Trinity Temple. Just thinking about trinity takes my breath away and Wrights original Chicago home. He truly is and was an amazing builder designer. Chicago was an awesome trip and made me realized that I can give back to my parents what they have given me, the love for travel. Summer ended with the state fair in which as in every year we ate are way through
With the fall came change. I am no longer with Express Scripts it was hard to leave all of my cube mates. I admit I cried a little when I walked out the door one last time into the great unknown. Little did I know I was going to learn a huge lesson really fast.
Leaving ESI was hard but I always knew that place was just a stone along my path and my next step was to a law firm moving myself up in the world. The same week I started my new job I almost lost my life. Its hard to think that one moment in time can change everything, it can make you stop and face the unknown, test your very strength. I am a fighter and that's what I've been doing using my Pulmonary Embolism as a stone in which I am going to get past. It was scary and its hard for me to think that this could of been prevented if only I had been properly informed on the dangers of the Nova ring. That if only my DR had listened to me the week prior maybe we could of caught it early before it found its way to my lung. The husband learned that he must treasure his wife why she is on this earth as a woman is a gift from God and God can take her home when ever he likes. I always tell my husband I am a lady and a lady knows when to leave. I am not leaving any time soon, I will use this second chance he has blessed me with to do good in this world to bring justice into the darkness and to help inform other women about the dangers of birth control.
Some thing like this lets you know who your friends are, one lady stands out on the island. Miss Sherri has been my rock during this, she has been my source of fun an outlet from my world of do this not that take this pill and you'll be better. She truly is one of the most amazing women that I have ever met. She will always be one of my dearest friends and I am proud of who she is becoming!
In November Nans came home for his first Thanks Giving with us, I cooked a turkey and all of the fixing. With Thanks Giving over it was my favorite holiday Black Friday, I shopped until I couldn't shop anymore with Nans in tow. He thought we lost the Prius but we always found it!
This year also marked my first Christmas with Nans, it was incredible. To see the joy, the excitement and the grace in his eyes. It was incredible. December brought Nans his first real snow storm, his face lit up every time he looked out the window and saw it falling to the ground.
The husband has also come to my side of the fence as well. We are hoping that 2010 is our year to make a little bear of our own.
When I wake up I feel truly blessed. Blessed to be alive, to have such a patient amazing husband. A wonderful son and three fur babies. I am grateful for everything God has given us. I know there are people who are struggling, just have faith and God will see you through. I am also thankful for all of my amazing friends, coworkers and family if it weren't for you life wouldn't be worth living!!
Here is to a wonderful 2010 filled with love faith and travels. An maybe I'll get a Margarita or two in this year! an of course Health may we all be healthy and stray from deaths door.
I love you all so much!!!!!
I am glad to be done with school for a while and happy with my decision to continue my legal education and become a paralegal. So now I have a B.S in Legal studies from UW-Superior and a paralegal certificate from the Minnesota Paralegal Institute. Its been a wild ride but God constantly reminds me on why he chose me for this field. He needs a light and a will for justice that will serve the good of man kind.
The husband and I had a great honey moon to the Mediterranean, Morocco was amazing how ever the city of Casablanca was a little disappointing not much to see there as it is the economic capital of Morocco. Acquit was lovely the people friendly and I'm still cooking with my spices that I bought there. The Grand Canary Islands are the place where story books come alive, I want to retire there when I'm older, it was to beautiful to put into words. Fungal Portugal was beautiful as well the flowers the little lizards, just everything was perfect. Spain It was great to head back to Spain and show the husband my favorite spots in Barcelona.
I said good bye to an old teacher in May God rest your sole Mr Horvat we will never know why you left this world the way you did. But your teachings will stay with us for a life time. I just pray that the peace you were searching for has found you.
We saw our first wedding anniversary as well! Even thou we spent it apart, Husband was in Seattle while I was saying my good byes to my old teacher. However it was a wonderful celebration when we got back to each other.
The summer was filled with festivals pow wows and good ole fashioned parades. Nans loved getting candy and the rides at Water Ski days, had a blast at the River falls festival with Auntie and Ben. Mm mm I have found memories of trolling through the farmers market with Nans as he realized that strawberries come from the earth and that fresh organic strawberries taste sweeter on the tongue. We spent afternoons at the lake basking in the sun while Nans ventured into the waters. BBQ and girls nights were plentiful.
The Husband and I had a blast in Wisconsin Dells water slides can make an adult feel like a kid again even when you bruise your tail bone. Drive in Movies are sweet when watched with someone you love.
I went on a trip to Chicago with my parents. It was fun to see Pete in a big city eyes wide open and finally stand in Frank Lloyd Wrights Trinity Temple. Just thinking about trinity takes my breath away and Wrights original Chicago home. He truly is and was an amazing builder designer. Chicago was an awesome trip and made me realized that I can give back to my parents what they have given me, the love for travel. Summer ended with the state fair in which as in every year we ate are way through
With the fall came change. I am no longer with Express Scripts it was hard to leave all of my cube mates. I admit I cried a little when I walked out the door one last time into the great unknown. Little did I know I was going to learn a huge lesson really fast.
Leaving ESI was hard but I always knew that place was just a stone along my path and my next step was to a law firm moving myself up in the world. The same week I started my new job I almost lost my life. Its hard to think that one moment in time can change everything, it can make you stop and face the unknown, test your very strength. I am a fighter and that's what I've been doing using my Pulmonary Embolism as a stone in which I am going to get past. It was scary and its hard for me to think that this could of been prevented if only I had been properly informed on the dangers of the Nova ring. That if only my DR had listened to me the week prior maybe we could of caught it early before it found its way to my lung. The husband learned that he must treasure his wife why she is on this earth as a woman is a gift from God and God can take her home when ever he likes. I always tell my husband I am a lady and a lady knows when to leave. I am not leaving any time soon, I will use this second chance he has blessed me with to do good in this world to bring justice into the darkness and to help inform other women about the dangers of birth control.
Some thing like this lets you know who your friends are, one lady stands out on the island. Miss Sherri has been my rock during this, she has been my source of fun an outlet from my world of do this not that take this pill and you'll be better. She truly is one of the most amazing women that I have ever met. She will always be one of my dearest friends and I am proud of who she is becoming!
In November Nans came home for his first Thanks Giving with us, I cooked a turkey and all of the fixing. With Thanks Giving over it was my favorite holiday Black Friday, I shopped until I couldn't shop anymore with Nans in tow. He thought we lost the Prius but we always found it!
This year also marked my first Christmas with Nans, it was incredible. To see the joy, the excitement and the grace in his eyes. It was incredible. December brought Nans his first real snow storm, his face lit up every time he looked out the window and saw it falling to the ground.
The husband has also come to my side of the fence as well. We are hoping that 2010 is our year to make a little bear of our own.
When I wake up I feel truly blessed. Blessed to be alive, to have such a patient amazing husband. A wonderful son and three fur babies. I am grateful for everything God has given us. I know there are people who are struggling, just have faith and God will see you through. I am also thankful for all of my amazing friends, coworkers and family if it weren't for you life wouldn't be worth living!!
Here is to a wonderful 2010 filled with love faith and travels. An maybe I'll get a Margarita or two in this year! an of course Health may we all be healthy and stray from deaths door.
I love you all so much!!!!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Spent the Morning in the E.R.
Oye this just isn't my year season or whatever will call it. I was having chest pain over the weekend and it went away. I was feelin down on Monday and the pain came back than went away. It came back this morning and I was havin trouble breathing so Allina told me to get to United as soon as possible. This pulminary embolisim business is no fun. if only I could go back in time and rethink my decision to use the ring. I guess God only puts on our plates what we can handle right. Just hope my work doesn't fire me over this. I'm out until Thursday:( getting rest and trying to get better
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas Day 2009
Look at what Santa Brought Me!!!!
Oooo I even got stuffs in my Stocking
Spiderman paper, Santa must know he's one of my favorites
Christmas Eve with the Bears
Every year we host Christmas eve at our house.
This years dinner menu was
Ham with brown sugar glaze
Chicken Cordon Blu
Mac & Cheese
Sour Cream & Chive Scalloped Potatoes
Augratin Potatoes
Corn
Linguine with Alfredo sauce
Rolls
This was my first christmas with Nansa and the Husbands Second Christmas with Nans
The red pot is my Lodge Color Cast iorn pot
oooo cool toys
Helping Grandma with her presents
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